JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THUR, MAY 18/19, 2011 – MY INTELLECTUAL STARVATION

My brain is going to shrivel up and die if I do not start engaging in some thought provoking, intellectual conversation. My social skills are going to rust if I do not get out into the world and meet and exchange ideas and information with new people. I fear turning into a hermit with the conversational skills of a squirrel, social skills of a turtle, and the intellectual capacity of an earthworm.

I am an Alzheimer spouse. My conversations with my husband consist of me reminding him what to do, when to do it, what to eat, and when to eat it. His political discussions are limited to – “He’s an idiot”, when speaking of most politicians. I have learned not to ask thought provoking questions anymore, but if I slip, the answer is almost always the same – “I don’t know.”  

Discussing television shows during commercials, movies immediately after they end, or plays during intermission, usually begins and ends with him answering, “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know” to any questions concerning what we have just seen. I have learned to limit my queries to – “Did you like it?” Answers are almost always either, “ It was great”, “It was confusing”, or “It was boring.”

I have learned my Alzheimer lessons fairly well – I almost never ask what he thinks about a TV news story, controversy, or news article. He still reads the newspaper and watches the news, but all is forgotten within minutes, so my questioning him only highlights his deficiencies and makes him feel inadequate, which I certainly do not want to do.

I used to attend conferences, lectures, and seminars related to Alzheimer’s Disease. For 4 years, I met new people from all walks of life – authors, artists, musicians. I listened to them, learned from them, and brought many of their ideas and writings to the website. I thrived on the intellectual stimulation.

Unfortunately, the last year of care giving for my husband, who I can no longer leave alone for long periods of time, and care managing for my father, has worn me down. I have been too tired to get up early to drive long distances to attend these events. Having to forgo the DC Forum this year made me realize how desperate I am for face to face intellectual stimulation and conversation.  

It is a difficult balancing act. I had to cut down on my outside activities due to sheer exhaustion. On the other hand, missing these opportunities has left me in a conversational and intellectual vacuum. I don’t know what to do about it, but I do know that if I don’t get out of this house and start meeting different people, discussing new ideas, and learning SOMETHING again, I am going to turn into an intellectual prune.

I know that I am not the only Alzheimer spouse suffering from intellectual and conversational starvation. What do you do about it, and when do you have time to do it?

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